#7 CHITLIN’S (CHITTERLINGS)

30 12 2009

Political Crusaders like Martin Luther King, Jr. Malcolm X, and the lovely Rosa Parks fought for Civil Rights and Freedoms that we now sometimes take for granted. They fought for Equality, Liberty, and the further Pursuit of Happiness for Minorities, and after all of that, can you please tell me one thing in this day and age..WHY IN THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE STILL EATING CHITTERLINGS??!!!

This is WAAAAY beyond me, why AFTER SLAVERY HAS BEEEEEN OVER fools still feel the need to eat THE COLON OF A PIG! Not the Colon of a Goat, who primarily has a Vegetarian diet, but they still WANT to eat PIG ASSHOLE.  Look, I don’t care how far in the South you live and or how much of a Delicacy you THINK they are…IT’S NOT A FUCKIN DELICACY! So let’s define Delicacy…Shall we?..

delicacy |ˈdelikəsē| noun ( pl. -cies)

1. the quality of being delicate, in particular 2. a choice or expensive food

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For 1. Chitlin’s aren’t DELICATE

For 2. Chitlin’s aren’t EXPENSIVE

But 3. Chitlin’s are a not a CHOICE that even Slaves would’ve wanted in their Diet.

HERE’S WHAT I KNOW ABOUT “CHITLIN’S” (aka SHITLIN’S)

  1. Slaves ate them because Slave Owners took the choice meats and left the Discarded Pieces to them.
  2. They SMELL to High Heaven…maybe because they were once full of SHIT!
  3. It has to be the most Disrespectful Piece of Meat that ANYONE could ever Serve.
  4. We live in the year 2000’s and are no longer FENDING FOR FOOD SCRAPS. Homeless people don’t even eat Chitlin’s. WTF!
  5. IF YOU HAVE TO CLEAN YOUR MEAT WITH BLEACH..SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT!!!
  6. Anyone who thinks that they’re good are still TOO CLOSE TO SLAVERY and might not know that we have a BLACK PRESIDENT. (yeah, it actually happened!)

Like Doo-Doo didn’t just come out of, what you call, food that you just SLATHERED Hot Sauce ON! Did you think that the Hot Sauce will disintegrate or somehow burn the FECAL MATTER off of your tongue?

Once you’ve realized that you’ve gotten your FREEDOM PAPERS, you can know that you no longer have to eat PIG ENTRAILS anymore.  And for those that want to leave me a comment like…”DAMN YOU NILE EVANS, CHITLIN’S TASTE GREAT!” I then want you to take your Hat off ,Curl it up in your hands and after doing a Handbone dance for me, REWRITE your comment like you would really say it ..”NO SIR, BOSS! I LOVES ME SOME CHITLINS! THEYS GOOD!”

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS IM COOL WITH…BUT CHITLIN’S…I’M COOL ON THAT!

@NILEEVANS on TWITTER  & To  Share this COPY… http://bit.ly/CHITLINS

COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED(below)!

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#6 GHETTO BABY NAMES

17 12 2009

There are common and uncommon names, in the world, but one thing I am sure of, is that there is some little Black Girl who is about to take her first breath into the world…see the first person in her world… and hear the worst name anyone could ever think of… in the World. “Oooh Girl! Yo new baby La-Tayshaniquamanesha is so beautiful” …Unfortunately her Mother and “Absentee” Father have set her up for a LIFE FAIL. To help avoid this we can follow a couple simple rules:

1. Do not try to mix your two names together. Shawn+Jeanetta does not = Shawnetta.  Kenya + Andre does not = Kendre [This is not a 90’s R&B Group (ex. BellBivDevoe or Jodeci)…this is your CHILD!]

2. Avoid the Prefix De, D’, La, Tay [Your not French or Italian]

3. Avoid the Suffix -isha  -ika -ita -etta -ay

4. Do not name your child after a car, type of purse or cologne or a dumb ass NOUN.

5. Avoid Actors and Athletes. We have enough Kobe’s and Beyonce’s to go around now.

See, names like that don’t make it to the Suburbs. They don’t go to College. They get pregnant at 16 just like her mother did…BECAUSE SHE CAME INTO THE WORLD  DISADVANTAGED,  AND NOT IN FINANCE, BUT IN MONIKER.

We all know the ramifications of having a BAD name, whether it’s BEING THE BUTT OF JOKES, EVERYONE KNOWING THAT YOU ARE FROM THE HOOD, OR MOST COMMONLY GETTING A JOB OTHER THAN THE FAST FOOD INDUSTRY.

But WHITE PEOPLE shouldn’t think they are exempt. These celebrities  Chris Martin (Coldplay) and Gweneth Paltrow named their child “APPLE”. Bruce Willis and Demi Moore: RUMER, TALULLAH BELL and SCOUT???? WOWZERS!… And fellow Black Celebrities like Tony Braxton with children named “Deizel” and “Denim”. This Broad named her kids Gas and Jeans!

Lets be creative People!! You don’t have to name your child, Sydney or Madison which I now group as GHETTO TRANSITION names, since some of these Hood Children damn sure don’t fit those names.  All I ask is that you be CREATIVE and MEANINGFUL, so that if the name does sound Mildly Ghetto, they can redeem it by saying  “KELAKAYKAY” means “Beautiful Spirit” in Swahili (*side eye look*)

My name is Nile (not NILES), a it’s a very self explanatory name and it’s of African descent. It’s originality makes it a creative choice, since there are not many that have the name, but it’s more AWESOME  because… I’M FUCKIN FINE!!! But anyway…

These are some ACTUAL GHETTO NAMES I have heard of and come across:

  1. Peter Rabbit – This is come real childrensbook bullshit, but an actual name of a person I know.
  2. Nemesis – Beautiful little girl with a HELL of a name.
  3. Candida – Wikipedia : Of ..“YEASTS” and not cookin yeasts.
  4. And the best of all is pronounced “Ab-suh-dee” but spelled… “ABCD”
  5. MAN, WHAT THE FUCK?!ABCD??  Maybe it would be more fitting if her name was: “ABCDENT” …because that’s what she was!! Yet, I digress…

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS I’M COOL WITH…..BUT GHETTO BABY NAMES???… I’M COOL ON THAT!!!!

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW!!!*

@NileEvans on Twitter

COPY & SHARE ON TWITTER : http://bit.ly/GHETTOBABYNAMES

photo credit :karim Iliya





#5 LIL MAMA

9 12 2009

LIL MAMA'S "MYSPACE FACE"

I know this is OLD, but I can’t say that the “Lil Mama Incident” isn’t still BOTHERING THE HELL OUT OF ME. I know that HATE IS SUCH A STRONG WORD…SO LETS JUST SAY…I’M COOL ON LIL MAMA.

How can a SINGLE “NOBODY” ruin…quite possibly the BEST ANTHEM SONG of this Decade (since Tupac’s California Love)?  Jay-Z and Alicia Key’s “EMPIRE STATE OF MIND” is a masterfully composed song that will make any Non-New Yorker feel the Pulse of the Great City.

UNFUCKINFORTUNATELY…during one of the BEST EVER VMA PERFORMANCES THAT WE HAVE EVER WITNESSED…..A little CHICKENHEAD from Brooklyn by the name of Lil Mama was feeling the Pulse of the City a little too much… and RUINED IT FOR US ALL.

(ON STAGE) JAY-Z to LIL MAMA: “OH, SO YOU GONNA T-PAIN IT?” (referring to T-Pain jumping  on stage UNINVITED to a Hov performace, weeks prior to the VMA’s)

Jay’s entrance was FLAWLESS!!! Pulling up, walking the hallway, taking the cap…then rising up on the stage like that to an ENGORGED RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL!!! Alicia “FINE ASS” Keys on THE KEYS singing the hook just like it sounds on the album!!! The crowd ERUPTS as they perform!!! I GET HYPED JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!…..but NOW, I can’t even play the song without thinking about THIS Little MANFACED GIRL marching up on stage, like she had a verseproducedwrotecomposed….OR had ANYFUCKINTHING to do with the song.

BUT I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED….See, she figured that since she was on an MTV SHOW (A.B.D.C) that she had Carte Blanche at an MTV EVENT. Only because she thinks she’s got an EMPLOYEE PASS.  I wish I coulda been there to tell her, ”HEY LIL BROAD….DON’T NOBODY KNOW YOU!”  Then we all saw the later released video of BEYONCE trying to HOLD HER BACK. Now why wouldn’t you listen to JAY’S WIFE?? HIS OWN WIFE WOULDN’T HAVE JUMPED ON STAGE…. THAT’S JUST DISRESPECTFUL ON ALL LEVELS!!!!

Then MR. MAMA puts out that PSEUDO APOLOGY, where she NEVER actually apologizes, and said that she just got caught up, because the song was about HER CITY. WELLLL, HOW ABOUT…the rest of the NEW YORKERS that were in attendance at the Awards that DIDN’T jump they ass on stage?  Man, I just STILL can’t stand the AUDACITY of this chick.

Now, I know right now you’re probably saying “BUT WHAT ABOUT KANYE?”…and I’ll  say this…”

KANYE’S GOT HITS…LIL MAMA HAD A SINGLE.

KANYE’S GOT GRAMMY’S…LIL MAMA WONT BE INVITED TO THE GRAMMYS.

KANYE’S EXPECTED TO ACT A FOOL….LIL MAMA JUST LOOKS LIKE ONE.

BUT TO KANYE’S CREDIT… I CAN’T SAY I DIDN’T AGREE WITH HIM IN HIS STATEMENT. BEYONCE “DID” HAVE A BETTER ALBUM IN MY OPINION AS WELL. But I digress…..

“LIL BOW WOW THE GIRL needs to sit her ass down and not be seen for a long while…OR EVER AGAIN…..(WHICHEVER COMES FIRST).”

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS I’M COOL WITH…..BUT LIL MAMA???… I’M COOL ON THAT (BROAD)!!!

@NileEvans – twitter

To share COPY: (http://bit.ly/LILMAMA)





#4 THE NECK TATTOO

30 11 2009

THE NECK TATTOO by Guest Blogger….Priya Prasad

What is this Neck Tattoo ‘trend’ running rampant in our society these days?? I mean, I get it if you have been to prison a multitude of times, and your hopes of working in Corporate America have been bashed against the Plymouth Rock and shattered in a thousand pieces. Then, PLEASE feel free to TAT up every inch of your neck and face. But, DO NOT look at me seriously and tell me that you have high goals in the finance world, or running for any kind of political office when your neck reads “Sharonda Watkins” with a heart around it…Or “All Eyez on Me” in Japanese letters with a Gun shooting off two rounds on top of it.

Why is it that recently this crazy FAD has taken over the streets? Ever since Lil’ Wayne stepped on the scene it seems like the general population is trying their DAMNEDEST to get tear drops embedded on their face.  REALLY?? Is this the future our children have to look forward too…maybe get a TRAMP STAMP when you graduate from middle school, and one TEAR DROP for every year of high school you complete. When you graduate from college you get: “YOU KNOW IT BITCH!” tattooed on your neck.

Even Chris Brown is in on it. When he first came out he was a good looking, preppy, MJ-ish dancing kid…now he is a woman beating NECK TATTOO having WANNABE THUG Man Boy. ROLE MODEL?? I think not. Who ARE these NECK TATTOO role models anyways? Do kids wake up one morning dying to be like..Bird Man? or how about,  “Mommy one day I want to make out with Lil Wayne and tell everyone… I’m havin his Baby.!”
I think they should have regulations against such atrocities…

“SECTION 8 DENIED…IF YOUR NECK IS DYED!”

Maybe that will make people strive for excellence…… instead of NECKcellence.

There are a lot of things I am cool WITH…..BUT “NECK TATTOO’S”???  ….IM COOL ON THAT!!!

PRIYA PRASAD - @pri4priya





#3 THE MYSPACE FACE

24 11 2009

We’ve all seen it at some time or another….You’re sifting thru someone’s page and you run into THAT picture…That ONE picture that tells you that they are saying to themself, “I UNDENIABLY AM HAVING A GREAT TIME BEING…THE SHIT!” ..Then, and only then, have you experienced….”THE MYSPACE FACE”.

I can’t tell you how many foolish profile pics, I have seen with people giving the MYSPACE FACE. It makes me think that somehow everyone thinks that being COOL is what this face is all about.  The only thing this face is all about is LOOKING LIKE A FOOL.

The Myspace Face is a hybrid blend of the 3 worst picture poses imaginable…

  1. THE PEACE SIGN
  2. THE BLACK GIRL LIP PUCKER.
  3. THE FACE SCRUNCH-UP

The MYSPACE FACE is pulled off properly by using bodily GEOMETRIC ANGLES. The poser’s Head is usually cocked at an ODDLY JANKY degree, as well as the GIMPY yet STRONG poised PEACE SIGN HAND.  If you are a Social Networker, you will notice that this pose is FAVORED with White and Asian Women on MYSPACE, but  It ‘s NOT AT ALL limited to Women.  MEN do this un-DAMN-cool face all the time. ESPECIALLY Black Men, which usually present the MySpace Face accompanied with the signature.. BOTTOM LIP BITE!! (Most commonly used by Gentlemen like Omarion, Lil MaMa and Tre Songs, etc.)  Somehow the MySpace Face pic gives you the impression that they are somehow screaming the word..”YEAAAAAAAAYAH, I THINK I’M FLY” in their mind. They believe that it gives them a whole RAPPERY/ I’M DOPE/I BUST MOVES type of image that only actually makes them appear EXCITED  yet ANNOYING at the same time.

There are a lot of things I am cool WITH…..BUT “THE MYSPACE FACE”???  ….IM COOL ON THAT!!!

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

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#2 BOOTLEG CHRISTIANS

13 11 2009

BOOTLEG CHRISTIANS!!!! by Guest Blogger…Brandale Randolph12156_174828627794_692052794_2845649_1177681_a

The entire Chapter of Matthew 6 is dedicated to YOU BOOTLEG CHRISTIANS…but I’ll just use one VERSE:

Matthew 6 v 1 “Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven…

In other words, all you BOOTLEG CHRISTIANS who beat your chest every time you do something good, just for the ATTENTION…Ummm.. That’s Ugly!! You know YO MAMA told you… “GOD DONT LIKE UGLY!!!”

I could go on ALL DAY on these MISINFORMED HYPOCRITES…… and I won’t…BUT HERE’S A LIL TASTE :

5 THINGS BOOTLEG CHRISTIANS NEED TO STOP DOING…. IF YOU WANT ME TO BE LIKE Y’ALL.

1) STOP dressing like you going to church to catch a MAN and not the HOLY GHOST….

2) STOP going to church looking for WOMEN…GO to the local Supermarket after Church. I heard they all be there..

3) STOP constantly telling me YOU are a Christian…. IF I DONT ASK YOU!!! …..That’s like telling me you a THUG, PLAYER, DIVA or REAL PIMP… IF YOU HAVE TO PREACH TO OTHERS THAT YOU ARE ……CHANCES ARE… YOU AINT.

4) STOP tryin to act PERFECT on SUNDAY when you are EVIL as HELL the other six days… WE KNOW YOU 1/7 of a CHRISTIAN!!! (do the math)

and finally…

5) STOP USING CHRISTIANITY AS YOUR CRUTCH … Saying NOTHING or saying I DON’T KNOW is OKAY sometimes!!!! (try it)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re gonna give me the.. “Judge not lest ye be judge” line, right? But what are you doing when you tell get mad and say.. “I’ll pray for you, Brotha!!” …when in your heart you wanna tell me to “GO TO HELL”?   Well if Heaven is filled with hypocrites like you and YO’ PASSA, grab a bag of ICE on your way out because I can assure you it’s gonna be kinda HOT where you headed.

There are a lot of things I am cool WITH…but BOOTLEG CHRISTIANITY???     ……I’M COOL ON THAT!!

TELL US HOW YOU REALLY FEEL BY LEAVING A COMMENT BELOW AND ALSO CLICK THE ORANGE BUTTON TO SUBSCRIBE TO IMCOOLONTHAT.COM  THANKS!

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BRANDALE RANDOLPH ON FACEBOOK






#1 THE FROHAWK

11 11 2009

hawkTHE INAUGURAL TOPIC ON IMCOOLONTHAT.COM DERIVES FROM ICON P. DIDDY, DIRECTOR BRIAN BARBER, AND EVEN THE OVERLY TATTOO’D YOUNGSTER… SOULJA BOY , along with countless other “POST-MR.T- ERA” Celebs,  that have graced our presence with what was once considered an Honorable Tribal Hairdoo, then turned Rebellious Punk Rocker’s Hairdoo, which has now mutated into some bullshit which we now call………

THE FROHAWK.

At first glance, I gathered that the reasoning for getting such haircut was for a man to appear taller, especially since a Frohawk will give the illusion of an added 2-3 inches in height. After realizing that I was only somewhat correct,  I was forced to delve a little deeper into the psychology of “WHY” the Frohawk exists. It’s much deeper than one’s personal FEELING of insecurity in height or stature.  There is actually a TYPE of Person who is more prone to choose this style of Hair Snobbery. See, every guy has that one friend, who in an attempt to be different, will try to set himself a part from the crew, to get a little attention. It’s usually a type of guy, who I define as a “Rudolph”  (Yes, like the Reindeer that would DIE if he wasn’t the Center of Attention) A Rudolph usually is that Star Football player, or Wanna-be R&B Singer (who’s never getting a deal) or that Overly-Fashion-Forward Guy that always dresses a little too “Kanye”. Yeah, you know him!!!  This cocky and usually outspoken person can’t wait to show off his latest innovation in Haircut Foolishness. In my opinion, I simply believe that this haircut is their outward CRY FOR HELP and I truly…truly… PITY THE FOOL!

As a Man, I wouldn’t even know how to approach a barber with such request. I can only imagine what this confused person sounds like after a Barber asks him:

BARBER: “How you want cho, haircut?”

RUDOLPH: “Yeah, so.. maybe…kinda cut it down on the sides, and gimmie like…ahhh..kinda…like what Puffy had…but kinda like..the guy from the A-Team, but kinda not…but still along those lines, and leave it sorta long on top…but…with a lil bit of a fade..if you know what I mean.”

Twenty five dollars later, this young gentleman emerges from the barber shop feeling like a new man, but not knowing that he’s really looking like a  NAPPY ASS PEACOCK.   Poor Fella. LOL

There are a lot of things I am cool WITH…but THE FROHAWK???

…I’M COOL ON THAT!!


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