#10 BLUETOOFERS

10 02 2010

The Bluetooth headset is a much needed device, especially in California where the law says that you must use a hands-free device in order to talk on the phone while driving…but there is a distinct difference between a Bluetooth user and what I like to call a “Bluetoofer”

Bluetoofer – |ˈbloōˌtoōfur|  noun.  One who wears a Bluetooth headset as an accessory?

I’m so glad that the evolution of the Bluetooth Headset has finally steered away from the BLINKING BLUE “I NEED ATTENTION” LIGHT…that used to famously PISS ALL OF US OFF. You know that FOOL up in the club lookin like Levar Burton in Star Trek or somehow acting like he’s talking to Mission Control. As if we all don’t know that he can’t talk to anyone over the loud Lil Jon track Blaring inside the club.

The Bluetooth Headset is the equivalent of what a Beeper was back in the day. It gave the APPEARANCE of IMPORTANCE, until they were available to the Masses, which then diluted the image. Bluetoofers still think that having these gadgets are cool even though local swapmeets carry most of these products now in an under $20 bin.

These are the true characteristics of a Bluetoofer.

  • He’s usually someone’s Uncle.
  • He’s 35+ Years Old.
  • He Might have been a Bus Driver at Some point in his life.
  • He wears Mock Turtlenecks / Hardbottom Shoes with Jeans/ Black Leather Jackets
  • He greets you with a Pimpy.. “WHAT IT DEW!!!”(even thought he’s too old for that.)
  • He Watches a lot of Action Films/CSI Shows
  • He looks like he hangs out with Charles Barkley
  • He wears Sunglasses in the Club
  • He’s an OFF-DUTY PASTOR.

BOTTOM LINE…WHEN YOU’RE DONE…PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET!!

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS IM COOL WITH..BUT BLUETOOFERS…

….I’M COOL ON THAT!!!!!!

SHOUTOUT TO BLUETOOTHDOUCHEBAG.COM, A FUNNY SITE I FOUND WHEN RESEARCHING A PICTURE FOR MY POST.

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98 responses

10 02 2010
Angie Ramirez

hahahaha! hilarious! now I know what they are when I see them.

10 02 2010
Ryka aka xtraJUIC33ness

Oh my goodness this is hilarious and so true! Great read for my early morning lol!

10 02 2010
Elizabeth House

Wow that was hilarious

10 02 2010
Yusef Jermaine

lol seen many like that.

10 02 2010
Caramel Eclair

lol! i concur! i hate to see dudes with ’em on at the club too i always thought wtf? they can’t hear you, you can’t hear them…throw that thing away…lol!

10 02 2010
young larry

What about bluetoofer strippers talking at the cinema ,mate?

10 02 2010
Maine

LMAO! Hilarious as usual!

10 02 2010
Maria$exy

TRUE and FUNNY!!! I hate when men try to holla and they have them things in there ear! UGH!!! and its ALWAYS the older men! SMH!!!

10 02 2010
Jessica

OMG reminds me of my Uncle Robbie… like foool nobody is calling yo ass lol

10 02 2010
Cassy

Hahahahahah. U must be in the Glendale area a lot hahahaha they’re all over there!!

10 02 2010
QT_4U

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! so true! I have seen them at the clubs, people I work with… its amazing how 1 gadget can make a person feel important… sigh – u gotta love it :)) Funny topic & REAL!

10 02 2010
Heather

OMG sooooo true and hilarious. Except, I still see those blue flashing lights on bluetoofers on 125th all the time! LOL

10 02 2010
almaretta

That aint right! You completely left out the old foolywag women who still rock these. I see them often! So not cute!

10 02 2010
Afrokween2

LOL…I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. This was an issue people need to address…lol

10 02 2010
ReLyn

bahaaaa I always wondered why men had them damn ear pieces on all the time….I was at a club and saw a big dude with his ear piece in thought he was a bouncer and went over and said dude canyou show me the bathroom, he cussed me out. I said hey you aren’t security, he threw his drink on me what a loser lmaooo He thought he was looking cool,

16 02 2010
LadyScotia

@Relyn what you mean he threw his drink on you?! damn that is some sad style though…they need to be home on the damn phone if they think they can look cool in the club with a bloody “bluetoof” knowing you cant hear shit and not only that but knowing aint nobody tyrna call yo ass lmao.

10 02 2010
Vanessa

That’s the truth! Then when the phone rings they’re digging it out of their pockets to see who it is. Just use the phone. Ha!

10 02 2010
Renee

You hit that one right on the head!!! I am so cool on bluetoofers!!!! Especially bus stop bluetoofers!!!

10 02 2010
ATMason127

Yet another funny, well-written piece. I’m extremely pleased that you touched on this topic. The image of importance and pseudo-status that people attempt to create for themselves is pathetic. But it surely makes for good entertainment for the rest of the world, the non-toofers. I wish you would have touched on those who carry on these conversations using their BTs and appear to be talking to themselves or talking to you, then dramatically point out their BT as if it truly means something. I still have a strong suspicion that a good percentage of these toofers aren’t actually on the phone with anyone and are in fact stunting. These stunters are the lesser of the toofers lol.

Thanks again and looking forward to the next one!
Xo

10 02 2010
Aprillefresh

Nuthin worse than your girlfriend is a closet toofer! Hella tired of sein a blue light blinking in her damn tracks. Dud the shit get stuck in her weave glue or is it sending a secret beacon to the Asian lady at the beauty supply store? WTF?!?!

10 02 2010
Chianne

This is hilarious!!

10 02 2010
russellj

and the worst ones are the ones with bluetoof and a damn flip phone. How important can u be still walking with a flip phone.

10 02 2010
Divaxtra

HILARIOUS!!!!!! You r crazy this got tears n my eyes it is so true, they walk around like they doing big business and most of the time its so much interference with the reception that you cant hear anyway! Lol to the bluetoofers!

10 02 2010
Swirl P.

Funny as hell-right on target… Again! Darrell down the street wears his alllll the time!! Lol I think it’s so he can cover up the fact that he talks to himself.

10 02 2010
Chocolate Richard

HEY! I WEAR TURTLE NECKS, JEANS, AND HARD BOTTOM SHOES! Blog is funny though!

10 02 2010
Brian

Thanks for the link, glad you like the site.

I was just fed up enough about these self important “Bluetoofers” that I ended up creating this site back in July and have had NO shortage of pictures being sent to me on a daily basis.

It’s amazing how many people out there still wear these things thinking they’re adding a level of importance to their otherwise mundane life.

-Brian
BluetoothDouchebag.com Founder

10 02 2010
nileevans

I can imagine. Great site!

10 02 2010
Renee

hahaha, this is funny. I know a bluetoofer (or two) and didn’t even know it. Thanks for the laughs, your humor is comic relief.

10 02 2010
MeSBee

Hahaha @ “usually someone’s Uncle” & “off duty pastor!”
Sometimes i wanna snatch it off their ear just to see if they’re actually just talking to their own voicemail. I got $5 on it that 9 out of 10 are!

10 02 2010
Makai

Its usually the buff doods too. UNneccessarry accessory. Walkin round the club like he got an important call comin in. Then why the hell u in the club?? U know ur oldest daughter is in there too. Chaperon GTFOH. C’mon Son.

10 02 2010
Bre

HAHAHAHAHA MY UNCLE CHARLES IS THE ULTIMATE BLETOOFER… HOW THE HELL DO YU HAVE A BLUETOOTH ND YUR DEAF? WTF… FUNNY AS USUAL.

10 02 2010
Geli

Bluetoofers? lol I think I know about 3 bluetoofers and a mini bluetoofer he uses his while flipping burgers at burger king.

10 02 2010
Jenny

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahaha “he looks like he hangs out with charles barkley” HILARITY! Keep up with these posts…it actually helps keep me up and alert at work!

10 02 2010
Neek

There are several people I’m related to who need an intervention on this right here. One of em had it on at the altar when he was minutes from getting married. His brother called him from a pew on his cell phone to remind him to take it out before he got married. HILARIOUS.

10 02 2010
vibianna

Omg!!!! Soooo funny I had tears … As I was reaing this I see 2 patients come into the clinic as true “Blutoofers”but they were older females LOL either way it still applies

10 02 2010
Soribel

I never comment on these things but i found this so truu..my dad is what he wuld call a blutoofer and he matches the 1st 3 characteristics..hes 45 and a bus driver…

10 02 2010
Lungile

Bluetoofers, flip phones, fast cars it all depends on who you’re trying to impress and how much you can spend. Cause we’re a society that is very interested in what you have. but on a lighter note I think it’s “middle child syndrome”, always trying to get at the limelight but never quite hitting it right like the oldest or the youngest/baby.

10 02 2010
Parfine

lmao at the characteristics! sadly we all know at least one person who fits many if not all these qualities thus making them a “bluetoofer” lol. oh and the graphic that was chosen is so on point with the characteristics its not even funny lmao.

10 02 2010
Ali G

it is my belief that these chumps are AFRAID to miss a call because their phones NEVER really ring.

10 02 2010
Mykisha

You’d be amazed at the number of people that don’t realize the bluetoof is not appropriate in church!! I’ve actually reminded a deacon to take his off! Damn shame! Who’s calling you….Jesus?

10 02 2010
Deadly Diva

This… Spot on…

Once, this “up and coming rapper” that was trying to talk to me gave me a copy of his CD… Why was the cover shot him kneeling, throwing up the peace sign like he was taking one of those club photos… with his bluetooth firmly in place…

10 02 2010
LaShanda

Okay, what I hate most is when they wear their bluetooth in church or at the dr. office or at a concert! Fool!! Are you really going to answer your phone right now, NO, so take that off!!! And it seems like they get bigger and bigger!!!!! I refuse to even wear one thanks to those who wear them as accessories!!!!!

10 02 2010
LaShanda

Oh, and when they wear them at the salon!!!! OMG!!!!

10 02 2010
Meme

I love to wake up in the morning to find a new post. Waking up to a good laugh is just what I need to start my day.

Guys and manly looking girls always rock those damn Bluetooth in their ears…I hate that! They look like a joke LOL! Instant turn off!

11 02 2010
The Coach

This is funny! I am personally annoyed by “bluetoothers” who burst into random cell phone conversations in public. Does everyone need to hear you hating on your ex or about the crime you and your homie are planning.

11 02 2010
neely

hahahahahaha

11 02 2010
e_sharlette_w

1. These blogs are like the crack pipe to me.

2. I saw about 3 culprits on the bus going to work yesterday!

11 02 2010
Brandale

Hilarious….. Great post!!!!

11 02 2010
SHEALA

lmao that shit is too funny!!! thats exactly howthem old niggas be too!

11 02 2010
urRoyalFliness

*dead* at “Toofers” hahaha

11 02 2010
OnlyBliss

OMG i laughed so hard at this! I just keep saying UNCLE!!! Why don’t my white uncles do it though? Just my black uncles – damnit. I refuse to date a guy who is a bluetoof head.

11 02 2010
hillary

LMAO….”He looks like he hangs out with Charles Barkley”!!!! So true!!!!!!

11 02 2010
Wes C. Rydher

That shit looks retarded. I refuse to do it. BIG ASS flashing light in your ear. WTF?

11 02 2010
Khambriel

lmfao I was just thinking about those people that always got it on like is it really that serious that you need it while you’re walking? Personally, I only use mine in the house when I want to use my laptop comfortably but that bluetooth does not leave this house at all lol

11 02 2010
Inglewood*Gee

Hysterical! I will admit Nile, you caught me with my bluetoof in my ear in my pix! I aint ashamed, but damn, I be forgetting that stupid thing is in my ear! At $120.00 I better forget that thing is in my ear, cause it better have top of the line comfort and sound for that price! Jawbone Bluetoof foooools!! LOL

11 02 2010
rani b. sure!

HILARIOUS POST!

may i also add for the female bluetootfers:

– she rock long acrylic nails in colors like “Red Hot Orange” & “Pecan Frost”

– she is 35 years or older

– she says things like “please believe me.”

– she has a license plate holder that says “Respect & Protect The Black Woman” and a Betty Boop bumper sticker.

11 02 2010
nileevans

HYYYYSTERICAL!!!

11 02 2010
Ali-Bey

Comical…people should go around and just start snatching them out of people’s ears.

I don’t care what the law says. Pick up the phone. I don’t want to hear your conversation anyway. Just another reason & way for dudes to floss what they have or want us to believe they have as they loud talk screaming into an earpiece. Women need to cut it out too.

11 02 2010
jamal jennings

True True True. Bluetoofers bother me! LOL! Also unless you’re driving…pick up the damn phone! It kills me to see folks walk-around looking like a schizo talking to themself. And by the way…if you’re in a large group of people, step yo a$$ aside to talk on your phone instead of talking about 15 other people as if we need to hear your conversation.

11 02 2010
Audizzle

I try to save that little raggedy battery in mine so when the call is over, it goes off! Plus I don’t wanna be calling nobody on accident… You should turn yours off too. A flashing blue light in my eyes when I’m never sober is never good. Kill dat ish! Oh yeah, stop talkin’ so dayum loud. They can hear you just fine dawg.

11 02 2010
rynzluv

That is sooo funny!! Those are the things I DONT miss about California!! Thanks Nile!!!

11 02 2010
Jini

Hella funny and true. Why do people feel the need to walk around with these things…that little blinking blue light catches me off guard sometimes. I’m even embarrassed to use my Bluetooth in the car and only do it when I HAVE to for work.

11 02 2010
T

HA! yeah, its a weird society .. those “Toofer’s”

11 02 2010
Denisha

This is to funny…. But very true!!!

11 02 2010
Ronnie

lmao mock turtle necks and a bus driver. omg man if you see all the afrcians with the blue tooth here in dc you will die laughing, You are an awesome writer

11 02 2010
Buttafli Jones

LMAO @ “he someone’s uncle” cuz my Uncle Mack does that! lol

11 02 2010
L.O.S.

Yo Nile once again you are right on point wit this!

11 02 2010
Mara

Lmao this is so true. And they always walk like they are Billy Dee

11 02 2010
jutia04

LMAO….I just saw a guy like that at the club last nite and he has 4 f te characteristics! I personnally have never used one. I believe that in about 15 years ppl who have used them over 2 years will have some kind of brain or hearing issues. That’s too many waves goin to anyones head.

12 02 2010
Narvin

I HATE these dudes! The best is when the wanna-be-black white chicks have them in thinking they will get respect in the community. WHACK! Segway to your next unofficial topic…WHIGGERS! Why we hate the word, but people think it’s so cool. Suck it society!

12 02 2010
G L Monroe

LMAO! you just described at least 3 men at my job…mock turtlenecks/hard sole shoes/leather jackets…and don’t forget the 3 gold chains on the outside of the shirt! very entertaining writing!

12 02 2010
B Goldie

LMAO @ off duty pastor! made my freakin day!!

12 02 2010
Octavia Yancey

You never disappoint Nile!! “What is DEW”…LMAO!!

12 02 2010
Octavia Yancey

How about “What IT DEW”..see what happens when I attempt to multitask as 6:45 am…LOL

12 02 2010
Sabrina

This is soooo true!! You are hilarious. You always make me LQTM (laugh quietly to myself). Lets be real, who really LsOL when they by themselves???

13 02 2010
MrJacobo

man!! lmao im a gs station clerk & i see someone like this at least 15-20 times a nite. Dead

13 02 2010
Georgina

You just discribed half of the men riding the NYC subway…I never uderstood why people wear them in the subway and there is NO underground reception.
Funny as always Nile!!!!

16 02 2010
Belle

LOL!!!! I hate that sh*t!… I see that all over in NJ!!!

16 02 2010
cyn

Like, I think my dad got 4 of those characteristics down from the list! Haha! I hate that people buy them just to wear it, but they obviously don’t know how to set it up or talk on it, at one point he actually took it off his ear and started yelling into it…smh, oldies…

16 02 2010
Jacqueline

This is High-Freakin-Larious!! I see this all day err’day and all I can do is shake my head and say why?! Good one Nile! You are so funny, and on point with all of your twitter posts and blogs. I’m loving what you do! Keep it up.. So glad I found you on twitter you’ve made my twitter experience great!! My fave is #platemaker and #juicebringer!!

16 02 2010
Neenah

I’m a proud owner of put it in my pants when I’m done!

16 02 2010
Desiree

I was watching a reality show over the w/e and this dude had one displayed in his ear during the entire show. In the house, at the club, in church! WTH!? I hate to see them displayed just as much as you do. Hilarious read and oh so true!

16 02 2010
Tara LaBelle

Hilarious!”He looks like he hangs out with Charles Barkley!” LMAO!

16 02 2010
Monilove 4lyfe

I hate those people, I don’t even put my bluetooth on until I get a call bcuz of those people!!!!!!

16 02 2010
BlisSiii

LMAO I thought I was the only one annoyed by BLUETOOFERS 😀

16 02 2010
pri-diddy

the worst is when they have two phones…one bluetoof in each ear….would that be BLUETEEFS ??

17 02 2010
Charmaine

This is too funny! I know a couple of “Bluetoofers” that think they are so important walking around talking, knowing good and darn well they talking to their Momma. Whew, thanks for this laugh.

17 02 2010
Kami

OMG My uncle is definitely a Bluetoofer lmfao…this is some true shit

23 02 2010
frankdiesel510

Lmfao check this out, my uncles don’t drive or even own a god damn car but has a fuckin bluetooth on while she navigates her stroller!!!

28 02 2010
jay

hilarious blog man …

2 03 2010
Keisha

I have too friends that are “bluetoofers” but never seem to answer the phone when people call. Unless you’re the president you’re not that damn important. Please write some new posts soon.

3 03 2010
Aaronboy15

My friends and I make fun of blue toofers as well. I don’t understand why they think it’s supposed to accent their outfits.

3 03 2010
mese79

Oh hell no……..Please make it STOP!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t take it!

6 03 2010
Tiffany L.

I’ve been guilty of leaving mine in a few times. I must just have a comfortable one because I forget it’s in my ear honestly.

13 03 2010
Tipstar

LMBO!! This was an awesome read and very much on point. A friend of mine has one that looks like he should be working as a receptionist lol. Thank you for speaking out on this lol

14 03 2010
dj norm rocwell

too many bluetoofers in gaslamp quarter hahaha…

18 03 2010
Lescine

Love Ur description of a “Bluetoofer”

3 06 2010
thick chick #1

i detest the light skinned dude in the pic. blehgh

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