#14 CAMERAPHONE MODELS

5 01 2011

This POEM is inspired by every MAN, WOMAN, and PASTOR who has ever turned themself into a Cameraphone Model.

Cameraphone Model…….by Nile Evans

Cameraphone model…have you NO ENDS?

Or is it because you have no real Friends?

To take a nice picture, for your peeps to see,

Why does your bathroom always look DIRTY?

Because you take pics, while your getting ready,

For us just to think…. you’re kinda lookin heavy.

You are so clever, takin pics in the mirror,

The fog from the sink ..dont make your skin look clearer.

Pucker your lips and give the peace sign,

Phone please don’t ring, while I’m shooting this time!

Look over the shoulder to show us your ass,

Cameraphone model you have so much Class.

Show your tattoo, because its so pretty,

Does it say DAYQUAN, right there on your titty?

I’m eager to see your new profile pic,

And I’ll send you the new one, I took of my………..

*finger snaps*

THIS IS YOUR PASTOR!

 

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS I’M COOL WITH…BUT  “CAMERAPHONE MODELS”…

…IMCOOLONTHAT!!

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#13 “GAME VIOLATORS”

10 09 2010

There’s a type of man out there that nobody respects…He comes in the form of…A Jealous HusbandA Boyfriend Stalker…or just some Bitchmade Man with too many girlish feelings. He goes against the basic rules of Mancode on a daily, which makes him a true …..VIOLATOR OF THE GAME.

“The difference between a Man and a Boy is that a Man is in control of his Emotions.”

Nile Evans 2009

I usually don’t delve into my personal life on Blog entries, but I’ve recently dealt with a silly bullshit situation in which I need to address.  I was lightweight dealing with a lil chick off and on and her “So called Boyfriend” sends me an email talking about how he knows she’s been seein me and how he lives with her and “that’s HIS girl” and that he thought I should know and for me to STEP OFF before something “HAPPENS”. (laughs to myself)  I read it…heard the pain and anger in his lil words and thought… WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THIS?? Is he comin at ME???…REALLY?? Now for one, I can see if he thought I was wrapped up into this chick and was warning me that she had lied to me about her status…but then I thought….WHY WOULD YOU EVEN BE TRYIN TO SCARE ME AWAY?… so you can be with this chick WHO’S OBVIOUSLY MESSIN WITH ANOTHER GUY.  Does this young fella not know MAN CODE??

MAN CODE RULE #4093.1 – #4093.4

  1. Respect THE GAME!
  2. Don’t Hate the Player…Hate the Game!
  3. Don’t ever call another MAN about YOUR chick. Deal with HER.
  4. She’s NOT REALLY your chick…if she’s fuckin with HIM.

Pimps will be the first to tell you… “She chose me”….or…”It’s by choice, not by force”…meaning…When a woman chooses you or to be with you…IT’S HER CHOICE! What can you say to that?? Why would you be mad at HIM or even HER??…That should never be argued. There’s too many women in the world to choose from. If they want someone else then LET EM GO so that you don’t look like a LIL OL SILLY BITCH with a beard and crocodile tears rollin down your eyes. The homies don’t give hugs for that type of shit!!

There should NEVER…not NEVAH be a dude on the phone, text, email, facebook trying to threaten or harrass another Man about THEIR GIRL’S CHOICES. Because first off…YOU’RE MORE THAN LIKELY SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR AN ASS WHOOPIN. Secondly…AFTER HE WHOOPS YOUR ASS you’re only gonna think……”What did that Prove?….He still aint gonna stop hittin my chick.” GET SOME FUCKIN “MAN-UP JUICE” IN YOUR SYSTEM!!!!  I hate to see another generation of WEAK ASS MEN who Stalk chicks and get have to get their ASS BEAT by REAL ASS MEN because they didnt follow and respect the rules of THE GAME.  (all of this can easily be applied to Women as well)

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS I’M COOL WITH…BUT  “GAME VIOLATORS”…

…IMCOOLONTHAT!!

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#12 THE BARBIE MOVEMENT

26 05 2010

Now, first off, let me say this! This is not at all an attack on Nicki Minaj in any way, because as Lil Wayne says…

“She Got That Good Good,  She Michael Jackson Bad, I’m Attracted To Her, For Her Attractive Ass.” (even though she raps like William Hung and Lil Kim had a retarted baby together)

…and speaking of NICKI’S ASS…here’s the BUT.  …BUT this Barbi Movement that Nicki’s started is really getting on my last fuckin nerve. First off, wanting to be like Barbie should be as innocent as a little boy liking The Power Rangers…BUT this Barbie Shit has spread out into Grown Ass BOOGAWOLF Women calling themselves Barbie’s. And not just Grown Women…but even the worst type of woman…HOODRATS!!! Hoodrats have taken to the Barbie Movement like they are truly going to somehow live vicarously thru Barbie the Toy’s life… It’s almost like in their mind they want to emulate Barbie as if to say “BARBI WAS A BAD BITCH!” Which is understandable considering that TO A HOODRAT Toy Barbie appears to live a GLAMOROUS LIFE if you factor in….

  • Barbie’s always shopping and has Endless Amounts of Money. Recession Proof Barbie!
  • Barbie’s Bedroom looks like it’s modeled after a Whore’s Dream Home…inside the PLAYBOY MANSION. Hoedown Barbie!
  • The Love of her life/Babydaddy Ken lived with HER and was there for Barbie at her disposal.  BabyMama Barbie!
  • Without a Steady Job she managed to have a Malibu Beach House and a Corvette. GoldDigger Barbie aka Superhead Barbie.

And Not to mention the biggest attraction of them all:

  • SHE’S THE QUEEN OF LACEFRONTS!! HairDid Barbie.

Now I know that Black Women are at a loss for SuperHeros, BUT BARBIE?? C’MON BOO!! Barbie unbeknownst to most, had an array of black friends over the years, like Christie, Kara and Grace but out of all of them, I never saw K’Shawdrikanisha with the Burgundy Hair streaks Barbie….ANYWAY… if I see another one of these MEGARATS claiming to be a Barbie or with Barbie in their Twitter screenname, Im callin em out.

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS I’M COOL WITH…BUT “THE BARBIE MOVEMENT”…

…IMCOOLONTHAT!!

Just too far….

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#11 GUCCI MANE

3 03 2010

The state of rap music is going under like the Titanic. We’ve long gone away from talented rhyming skills into autotuned up Rappers singing and chanting on every track…..THEN ALONG CAME GUCCI MANE!

As I write this I started to get happy that I was going to finally post something on my Nemesis Gucci, until I realized that I actually don’t have a problem personally with the Gentleman. I mean…He’s done nothing wrong in selling his music. He’s Never said anything to me personally…AND THEN IT DAWNED ON ME………..GUCCI’S JUST PART OF THE PROBLEM!!!!


THIS BIGGER PROBLEM I SEE IS IN ALL OF THE THE DUMB IGNORANT BASTARDS THAT ARE DRINKING THE GUCCI MANE KOOL-AID…FOR EXAMPLE:

  • RECORD EXECUTIVES who would put this bullshit out.
  • PROGRAM DIRECTORS in radio and television.
  • MAGAZINES that say that he’s “RAPS NEXT BIG SUPERSTAR”
  • YOUNG AMERICA who don’t know the difference between good and bad Music
  • FOLLOWERS who will just take anything that is spoon fed to them.

These are the TOP 10 THOUGHTS that pop in my head when I hear GUCCI MANE Music..

  1. DOES HE KNOW THAT RAP MUSIC NEEDS TO RHYME AT SOME POINT?
  2. DID HE JUST SAY “NEMONADE”?
  3. WHY DOES THIS BUMPKIN STILL WEAR ALL THAT FAKE JEWELRY?
  4. MY SON BETTER GO TO COLLEGE!!!!
  5. I BET GUCCI HAS PROBLEMS READING.
  6. HIS LIPS LOOK LIKE TWO BURNT PORK SAUSAGE LINKS.
  7. DIDN’T I HEAR THAT RHYME ON SESAME STREET???
  8. “DANCE NIGGA DANCE”
  9. IS THAT A POT BELLY UNDER A MISKEEN SHIRT? (WHO STILL WEARS MISKEEN?)
  10. HE’D BE A GREAT SPOKESPERSON FOR SLAVERY

The problem I have with his music is that I feel that IT’S EVERYTHING THAT RAP MUSIC FOUGHT AGAINST. My generation (the Hip-Hop Generation) went from The Hood to Good and I think when you have DUMBED DOWN lyrics and only rely on Beats and Chants then you are being a “Necrophiliac of the Rap Game” (for those that have to google Necrophiliac IT MEANS THAT HE’S FUCKING SOMETHING THAT’S ALREADY DEAD!

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS I’M COOL WITH…BUT GUCCI MANE…IMCOOLONTHAT!!

…oh yeah.. Wocka Flocka, OJ The Juiceman and definitely Plies too.

OUTTAKES:

HE’D BE A GREAT ACTOR IN A SLAVERY MOVIE

HE LOOKS LIKE A RUNAWAY SLAVE

HE’S AN INDICATION THAT SLAVERY IS GOING TO MAKE STRONG  RETURN

“GUCCI MANE” SHOULD BE RENAMED “SLAVEY MANE”

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#10 BLUETOOFERS

10 02 2010

The Bluetooth headset is a much needed device, especially in California where the law says that you must use a hands-free device in order to talk on the phone while driving…but there is a distinct difference between a Bluetooth user and what I like to call a “Bluetoofer”

Bluetoofer – |ˈbloōˌtoōfur|  noun.  One who wears a Bluetooth headset as an accessory?

I’m so glad that the evolution of the Bluetooth Headset has finally steered away from the BLINKING BLUE “I NEED ATTENTION” LIGHT…that used to famously PISS ALL OF US OFF. You know that FOOL up in the club lookin like Levar Burton in Star Trek or somehow acting like he’s talking to Mission Control. As if we all don’t know that he can’t talk to anyone over the loud Lil Jon track Blaring inside the club.

The Bluetooth Headset is the equivalent of what a Beeper was back in the day. It gave the APPEARANCE of IMPORTANCE, until they were available to the Masses, which then diluted the image. Bluetoofers still think that having these gadgets are cool even though local swapmeets carry most of these products now in an under $20 bin.

These are the true characteristics of a Bluetoofer.

  • He’s usually someone’s Uncle.
  • He’s 35+ Years Old.
  • He Might have been a Bus Driver at Some point in his life.
  • He wears Mock Turtlenecks / Hardbottom Shoes with Jeans/ Black Leather Jackets
  • He greets you with a Pimpy.. “WHAT IT DEW!!!”(even thought he’s too old for that.)
  • He Watches a lot of Action Films/CSI Shows
  • He looks like he hangs out with Charles Barkley
  • He wears Sunglasses in the Club
  • He’s an OFF-DUTY PASTOR.

BOTTOM LINE…WHEN YOU’RE DONE…PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET!!

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS IM COOL WITH..BUT BLUETOOFERS…

….I’M COOL ON THAT!!!!!!

SHOUTOUT TO BLUETOOTHDOUCHEBAG.COM, A FUNNY SITE I FOUND WHEN RESEARCHING A PICTURE FOR MY POST.





#9 STILL BLAMING WHITE PEOPLE

27 01 2010

It’s 2010, There’s a Black President now, and though we all haven’t gotten our “Obama Hookup” yet that we are owed. You know…

  • HEY OBAMA, IMMA NEED A HOOKUP ON THESE TAXES.
  • HEY OBAMA, IMMA NEED A HOOKUP ON THIS ROBBERY CASE IM FACING.
  • HEY OBAMA, IMMA KILL MY WIFE IF SHE DON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP, SO CAN YOU HAVE SECRET SERVICE DISPOSE OF HER YAPPY ASS FOR ME PLEASE?

You know, just exploring all the new advantages that we’re SUPPOSED to get with having our own Black President.  Especially since White People have been having the hook-up for so many years. LOL…………  Yeah Right!!!

Anyway I say all of that to say, that it’s a new day in America and it’s about time we start taking responsibility for our own actions.  We can stop BLAMING WHITE PEOPLE for EVERYTHING….

WHITE PEOPLE DIDN’T MAKE YOU….

  • …Not go to College.
  • …Get that Neck Tattoo
  • …Have 4 Babies by the Guy who didn’t go to College and has a Neck Tattoo.
  • …Then Name those kids…MERCEDES, PORCSHA, MASERATI and LIL KIA (she’s got a different Daddy)

Now, surely SLAVERY and “THE WHITE MAN” have played a significant role in us being DISADVANTAGED and HAVING A FUCKED UP ECONOMY, so I will give credit where credit is due. But AT SOME POINT YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT “YOURSELF” for some of the mistakes YOU’VE made. Now, Lets look at some of the things…WHITE PEOPLE DID GIVE US.

BlackPlanet.com / AutoTune / Lamborghini Doors / Daisy Duke Shorts / The Art of Hairweaving / Grilled Cheese Sammiches / COCO aka Mrs. Ice -T…Need I say MORE?

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS I’M COOL WITH… BUT STILL BLAMING WHITE PEOPLE FOR ERRYTHING…

…I’M COOL ON THAT!!!

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#8 NBA GANGSTERS

15 01 2010

GILBERT ARENAS & DELONTE WEST

Now I expect SUGE KNIGHT to shoot himself with a Pistol. He’s really into some gangster shit. But when you play a FUCKING GAME for a living and make MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO DO IT…COME ON!! What is wrong with these SPOILED BABY Ball players that makes them want to act TOUGH?? No matter how many TATTOO’s you put on your ARMS HANDS AND FACE, you will NEVER be considered a TUFFGUY!

Lets start with this DUMMY…DELONTE WEST (RIGHT) from the Cleveland Cavaliers. This fool is DAMN NEAR WHITE or at least LIGHTSKINNED times A THOUSAND!!… SO WHY WOULD YOUR BRIGHT-ASS-FRECKLE-FACED-PEPPERMINT-PATTY-LOOKIN-ASS POSSIBLY NEED A GUN? He was riding on his motorcycle and speeding and got pulled over, for the police to find a handgun in his pocket, ANOTHER in his pant leg and a shotgun in a guitar case strapped to his back. DOES LEBRON RUN AROUND WITH GUNS ALL OVER HIS BODY?? NO!! He hires SECURITY or a GOON to keep one FOR HIM!! Take NOTES!! The only SHOOTOUT you need to be going to should involve a damn BASKETBALL you MEATHEAD!!

Old news but I have to give Honorable Mention the prime example of FOOLISHNESS…NFL’S PLAXICO BURRESS who shot HIMSELF in a club. AND NOW HE’S IN JAIL FOR IT!!

NOW FOR  RECENT GRAND FINALE!!

THE TWO SOFTEST GUYS IN THE NBA.. Washington Wizard’s Gilbert Arenas (LEFT) and (TEAMMATE) Javaris Crittenton recently PULLING PISTOLS ON EACHOTHER IN THE LOCKER ROOM!! Over a DAMN CARD GAME???!!! …and despite it being a $25 Thousand dollar bet umongst MILLIONAIRES… LETS KEEP IT IN PERSPECTIVE!! That’s like me pulling a pistol on my neighbor over a “$5 dollar” bet.  “YO! YOU OWE ME $5 BUCKS FOOL AND I WANT IT, OR I’M COMING UP TO OUR  MULTI-MILLIONDOLLAR JOB WITH A GUN  TO COLLECT MY MONEY!!!! You’re  NBA Players!!!! WE KNOW U AINT SHOOTIN NOBODY!!! But with Wanna-Be Gangster mentalities, I know what they’d all say in their defense.  They’d use the Words of their FEARLESS LEADER “BIG PERM” FROM THE MOVIE “FRIDAY” ….…”IT’S THE PRINCIPALITY OF IT ALL, SMOKEY!!!…but you know what I’d say?…..

…THERES A LOT OF THINGS I’M COOL WITH…BUT NBA GANGSTERS…I’M COOL ON THAT!!!


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